Wonderwall

I finally burst through my stubbornness today and realized [with God's help and my mother's, of course] that I consistently put up a wall. An emotional wall. Whenever anybody gets close, I shut down. I don't let me be myself and I push people away.
Now I'm still not altogether sure why this is so let us brainstorm some ideas:
1. I'm afraid [of what?].
2. My parent's divorce?
3. I don't want to get hurt.
4. Low self-esteem?
I don't know WHY this is and I just wish that Jesus would tell me why. The answer is probably looking me straight in the eyes and I just can't see it.
I'm the most stubborn person I've ever met. The more I do anything, the more I see it in myself. I won't face the facts about myself. But I've been learning to face the things that I'm learning about myself and deal with them, but it's HARD to deal with some of the things I'm learning. For example, how to get rid of my emotional wall. HAHA. Not easy. I'm going to be making this a matter of prayer and I would ask that you who read this do the same.
Now despite what you may think, I'm not a total kook. Don't worry. I'm just discovering some interesting things about myself and sending my thoughts off into this void called 'the internet'.

On the bright side, I bought myself a new iPod today. This will be my fourth iPod in the past several years. The first nano held 200 songs and lived a long life. The second nano held 1000 songs [aka 500 songs] and lived a somewhat long life. The third itouch 8gb lived a short life. I loved it and it had room for everything i needed. Except I was a loser and dropped it in the toilet. How you may ask? It literally fell out of my pocket. I tell people this all the time and they never believe me.
I about died though. It happened to be at church where we had NO rice, but my youth pastor was able to produce a hair dryer. I spent a good 20-25 minutes drying that thing. We even tried to lift up the screen to dry under that.
Note to self: NEVER AGAIN. It is not possible to take an Itouch screen off with a $50 Barnes and Noble gift card. It only cracks the screen.
So moral of the story is never keep an iTouch in your pocket. It can only end up as money gone down the toilet.
But every store in Ohio would have a run on all things iPod today. Costco AND Sam's Club AND Target were all out of 16gb IPod nanos. And everything else you needed. Seriously. I got the last one at Target. And it wasn't even an attractive color. At least I've got somewhere to put my tunes though.
I tend to compare my iPod to my car, Mel [because he's a Lethal Weapon. Clever, huh?]. I don't care what kind of car i have, just as long as it gets me from point A to point B.

....House Hunters Marathon, Take 2. Curse you, HGTV.