I'm An Awkward Mess

Song of the Day: Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie
The song can't exist without the video and the video can't exist without the song. These two just go hand in hand. Gorgeous.

I went to get my haircut yesterday at the nearest Great Clips. Got up late, thought about cleaning my room and then didn't, and then finally pulled myself together at a leisurely hour to go get it cut [convenience first, you know]. But the thing about me is that I always dread going to get a haircut. Why? Because I have to sit in the chair in an awkward silence while some random woman earns money by fiddling with my hair. But this time--I was gonna be prepared with things to say. It wasn't about to get awkward THIS time.
So I get in there and have my normal haircutter, Sam, say "Come on over, Abby!" like they know you and all, and I sit straight down in the seat of honor. Now this whole time I'm like "Should I ask if business has been steady? Should I ask what she's doing this weekend?"
And that's when it hit me: When is the point that you have to stop asking someone what they're doing that weekend? Cause by this time it's almost Saturday afternoon. So I feel like if I ask what she's doing that weekend, then I'm jipping Friday and then it's not an all-inclusive question. You just left Friday out. You can't just DO that. Friday is the day that every businessman looks forward to. Friday is the let's-go-clubbing night for a lot of people. Friday is the land of opportunites for the next few days. Friday is where. it's. AT.
After much debating, I decided that that question was past it's prime. And if I ask if business has been steady and I don't work there? That takes awkward to an even HIGHER level than I'm already at.
Yet, after ALL this turmoil inside my head? I, of course, just sat there in silence--only speaking when spoken to.
I swear--her job must be torture everytime I come in there.
And to make things even better, I was driving somewhere on Friday--Lord only knows where and I hit the highway. Now when I'm driving, I tend to look everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE. I'm a safe driver, I really am! I just see everything. So I'm driving along and I catch this black thing out of the corner of my eye. I look over on the side of the highway and there is a full, round, intact-looking tire just laying there. Now that may not seem like a big deal to you, but I don't think it's everyday that you see a workable tire just laying on the side of the road. It's not normal.  And I immediately thought of three options for why that could've been there:
1. Someone got a flat tire and after changing it, littered the highway with the useless one. Thanks, thanks a lot.
2. Someone lost a fully intact tire while driving and didn't notice.
2. Someone got a flat tire and after taking it off, drove off without putting the new one on.
I SO wanted it to be the last 2. Not because I wanted the person to have a bad car accident--just because that story would've been HILARIOUS. So I sat there in my car, chuckling loudly to myself for a good 300 feet. Thank you, idiot tire litterer, for giving me something to laugh awkwardly about.

Jesus time:
In service today, Alton, my youth pastor, was talking about the prayer "Father, protect us" and how sometimes we don't understand why things are going completely OFF THE WALL in our lives, but the Lord wants us to stand there and. instead of complaining, say "Lord, USE me." That struck a chord with me. I sat in my seat and I could just feel the weight of my hurt literally pulling my heart down. It was the biggest burden I've ever felt. I've come to realize now that God really does have a plan for why He's let some things happen. But
1. I did NOT realize the full extent of my pain. All of it crashed landed in my heart this Sunday morning. It was as if I could feel all the pain that I've endured in the past year and a half hit my heart all at the same time.
2. Instead of yelling at God again [which I do sometimes and I know He hears me], I decided to ask him to use me. And while this may seem like a lot now, I know He has a plan for me and as He promises in the Bible that He won't let us be tested beyond our capabilities [1 Corinthians 10:13]. What an awesome promise!
So that's what I'll be working on this week: Asking the Father how He can use me for his glory.
Arms Open Wide